Don’t be a Martyr Mom.
Back before Christmas, we had started our Marathon of Motherhood series. My intention was to finish it before Christmas, but the holiday hustle and bustle got to me and I couldn’t get it done. If you remember we had just finished up with Develop Your Own Style before the hiatus began.
Picking up right where we left off and continuing on with the Marathon of Motherhood series, it’s important to ENJOY THE RUN. Enjoy your journey. Don’t be the Martyr Mom.
Just in the past couple of weeks I’ve had conversations with moms who were completely embracing Martyrdom. Everything out of their mouth was:
“Woe is Me”
“My life is so hard”
“No one has it as hard as I do”
“People don’t understand”
“I’m the only one who knows what it’s like”
“My kids are annoying”
In those recent conversations, it was almost as if they felt like they were the only moms on the planet who had ever possibly dealt with sleepless nights, fit throwing kiddos, messes to constantly clean up, kids who acted out at the most inopportune times, and the list could go on and on and on.
After talking with them, I felt down. Negativity is infectious, but so is positivity. Attitudes truly are contagious, so I want to strive to be one with a positive attitude to give away. I definitely FAIL at this sometimes, but still want to press on towards the goal.
Here’s the thing. Motherhood is hard.
No one ever said running a marathon was easy. It’s gong to hurt. The training is difficult. The commitment is legit. The sacrifice is there. But, the reward of finishing is worth every bit of the hard times.
[Tweet “The motherhood commitment is legit. But so worth it. “]
Same thing goes for motherhood. It is Hard. NO MATTER WHAT. No matter what age your kids are, no matter where you live, no matter what your job situation is. It’s hard. It’s challenging. It’s exhausting. But, yet also rewarding, soul filling, edifying, sanctifying and joy filled. And, it is FUN because kids are fun and a blessing!
So let’s not be Martyr Moms and act and speak as if life is so terrible, hard, and unbearable.
When people speak negatively, it brings down all those around them.
Enjoy Motherhood. Enjoy your Run.
Don’t dwell on the hard things. They are just part of it. Don’t bring other moms down by always focusing on the unpleasant aspects of the job. (And I know there are unpleasant aspects. Just last week I threw away 2 pairs of poopy underwear because I didn’t have the stomach to clean them. Don’t Judge. And, I spent over an hour scrubbing my carpet with my fingers where a curious little one had spilled a WHOLE jar of dark blue water color paint. My favorite coffee cup ,dessert dish, and vintage bowl were broken all last week on 3 different days. And there is permanent marker on my pretty white kitchen cabinets. Unpleasant things definitely happen.) Did I mention the time last week when one of my kids threw one of those embarrassing lay on the ground tantrums in a store? I try not to dwell on that proud mom moment. (Please tell me you caught the sarcasm.)
I get it. Some things are hard, not fun, and just plain make you grouchy. But, there is a way to talk about these things that won’t bring down those all around you. It’s all about perspective. Humor is a gift. The ability to keep perspective on time and seasons in check is a gift. What will really matter in eternity or even 5 years, 10 years, or even 50 years down the road. Don’t be the Eor or Debbie Downer.
Be an encourager to all moms around you. Talk positively about enjoying the motherhood gig and being ALL IN during this season.
I want my kids to know that I enjoy them.
I want them to be able to tell how happy I am to do life with them.
I want our home to be a place of fun, retreat, and family.
I want to be ALL IN for this adventure race.
Here are a few tips to beat the Martyr Mom Trap and to STAY AWAY FROM IT!
- Laugh with your kids. Everyday. Surely, we can find the humor amongst the chaos no matter what season we are in.
- Talk positively about motherhood and your mom life. In conversation with others, share things that you enjoy about motherhood. It is sure to encourage someone more than the “woe is me” talk. There is always something to be positive about.
- Keep the negative comments in check. Don’t get me wrong. We all love to get with gal pals and share the “hard” stuff that is going on in our normal mom lives and sometimes laugh about it. But, there is still a balance to keeping those negative comments at bay and in their place. I’ll tell you, I have been so blessed in conversations, uplifted, and encouraged just to hear another mom put a positive perspective on the craziness of messes, sacrifice, and sleep depravity. A good rule of thumb to go by is for every one negative comment share 7 positive ones. This isn’t just to benefit the person you are talking with by not bringing them down, but also for your sanity and attitude as well.
- Don’t take yourself too seriously. Really if we just lighten up, it makes it much more enjoyable.
But most of all
Expect the Low and Hard times. They will come.
Have a plan
Those hard days are going to come, or even hard seasons. Expect them. Bad days are part of life. Don’t expect everything to be perfect all the time. Embrace the hard times and days knowing that you are working and striving towards a greater good in these child-rearing years. Have a plan.
What do you do when things get hard?
Who do you talk to?
What do you pray?
What Hard mom thing can you put a positive spin or perspective on this week?
For me, when those hard times come, my plan is RETREAT, simplify, and start again.
Believe me, I’ve had and have plenty of #momfail moments and hard mom days that I just have to start fresh and get a new perspective. I call a friend, give a little “woe is me” talk and then put on my big girl panties and get back to being intentional about enjoying even the hard things about motherhood.
This season of having the privilege of having your kiddos at home is short. So be ALL In and Enjoy the Run.
Find the joy in whatever you are doing and Enjoy the Run! Life is too short to be grumpy and negative all the time.
And I promise— I am enjoying the run with these kiddos.
If you’ve missed any of the series click below.
See ya next week as we continue on in the series!